Coach Stefan

Ever wondered who you really are? I know, it’s a big question, right? But trust me, digging into it can be one of the most eye-opening experiences you’ll ever have. Dick Bolles, the guy behind What Color Is Your Parachute?, came up with a brilliant exercise to help you peel back the layers and get to the heart of your identity. It’s simple, but don’t let that fool you—this exercise can lead to some pretty powerful insights.

Let’s break it down.

Step 1: Create Your Space

First things first—find yourself a quiet spot where you can think.  Turn off the distractions,  grab a cup of your favorite drink, and get ready to dive into some deep reflection.

Step 2: Grab 10 Sheets of Paper

Here’s where the fun begins. Take  10 blank sheets of paper.  At the top of each one, write: Who Am I?

Simple, right?

But this is where the magic starts.

Step 3: Name Your Roles

Now, on each sheet, write down  one answer to the question Who Am I?  Think about the different roles you play in your life—maybe you’re a husband, a manager, a father, a teacher, an entrepreneur, a son, a brother, or a speaker.  Whatever comes to mind, jot it down.  These are the pieces of your identity puzzle.

Step 4: Go Deeper

You’ve got your roles listed—great! Now let’s add some depth. Underneath each role, answer these two questions:

• Why did you choose this role?
  Think about what makes this role important to you. Is it tied to your values, experiences, or relationships? What’s the story behind it?
• What excites you about this role?
  What’s the spark? What gets you fired up when you think about this role? Maybe it’s the joy of teaching, the thrill of leading, or the love you feel as a father.

Step 5: Rank Your Roles

Alright, time to get real. Take a look at all your roles and  rank them in order of importance.  Which one feels most essential to who you are? That one goes on top. Keep going until the role that’s least important to you is at the bottom.

Step 6: Find the Common Threads

Now that you’ve ranked your roles, it’s time to  look for patterns.  Go through your answers about what excites you in each role. Do you notice any recurring themes? Maybe it’s a passion for creativity, a desire to help others, or a love of learning. These common threads are your core—the things that make you tick.

Write these down on  a separate sheet called Common Denominators. 

These are the non-negotiables that need to be part of your life, especially in your career or life’s mission, to keep you feeling alive. The threads that weave through your identity, representing the core elements that bring you joy, fulfilment, and a sense of purpose.

Step 7: Put Your Insights to Work

There you go! You’ve just peeled back the layers and gotten a clearer picture of who you are. The insights you’ve gathered can guide you in all sorts of ways—whether it’s choosing a career path, finding your life’s mission, or just living more authentically. These common denominators? They’re your guideposts.

Ask yourself:  What does my career or mission need to have for me to feel truly fulfilled? 

Use these insights to inform your decisions, align your actions with your true self, and pursue opportunities that resonate with your authentic identity.